"Getting Treatment" what a horrible sounding phrase

..."treatment"...

I even hate the very word.

the idea so difficult

fear, pain, shame, pain, anxiety, pain

 

You will have to tell someone you are depressed ? - "ask for help?"

You would rather die than die of the shame they will make you feel.

 

No one will understand why you don't - make the effort...

And it is effort -- painful, upsetting, disappointing, discouraging,

shameful, excruciating, dying, humiliating, struggling effort.

 

 

for what - treatment ?

what does that mean ?

living on drugs, feeling drugged, not in control,

not understanding why you need treatment,

why it doesn't work that well,

why it stops working

 

subjective, someone else knows more than you,

fearful, loss of power, helpless to help yourself

 

But you just don't see anything helping so why bother ?

why can't this pain just go away ?

why can't you just die, cease, end -

just disappear - into your sorrow, your tears... ?

 

 

but there is no end to the pain,

no matter which way you think,

think of living, think of dying,

pain each side, pain each way

 

 

I understand now that the pain was preventing my life

yet stopping my death.

 

Suicide is not "painless" as the words to the "M*A*S*H" theme seem to suggest.

Thoughts of suicide can be excruciating

 

It was only at my worst that the pain stopped me

and made me choose for that moment

Do something to live - or do something to die.

 

Finding no escape

I was forced to find a treatment or die...

both equally difficult tasks

 

 

I realized it takes just as much or more energy and pain

to do what it really takes to commit suicide

as it does to start on a treatment.

 

 

Each one of us will have to find some kind of speck of will,

to make some kind of movement toward a cure.

 

 

Yes, let's call it that, a cure.

Treatment doesn't sound very encouraging.

I feel cured. Every day. All the time.

Yet I continue my treatment, my cure, every day.

 

 

Hope can come from taking an active part in your treatment.

Feeling hopeless makes us helpless

Passively waiting, languishing, crying, dying

for someone else to save us can be devastatingly stressful,

disappointing, frustrating and suicidally dangerous.

 

 

Yes, it would be wonderful

if there were some ONE person,

ONE book, ONE doctor,

to go to - who would - who could

take us from crisis to cured.

 

 

Yes - I have known a couple of people who just started taking Paxil

and poof, that was it. Yes - some people are lucky -

that's it for them, long term relatively easy fix.

 

 

But for many, like me, it's a combination of many things -

and in my experience, there was just no ONE doctor

with the time or attention span -

or one book with all the answers.

I had to piece things together for myself.

 

 

In the long run, it has given me knowledge and confidence

for the long term continuous treatment I need.

I continue to learn as new information comes out

so that I will be able to adjust my treatment to compensate

for hormonal changes as I get older :)

 

 

You are not helpless. You are capable.

You have the intelligence.

You can begin to gradually learn

and take the lead in your own treatment.

The more you know, the better and faster you can find

treatment combinations that will work for you.

 

 

Yes, there are so many choices

that you may be overwhelmed.

 

 

Yes, do seek help from people and medical professionals.

Maybe they can help get you started,

but put your faith in yourself,

in the knowledge and in the results.

 

 

Try to get as many insured blood tests as you can

from your medical doctor or psychotherapist -

iron, hormones, thyroid, RBC magnesium.

 

 

You may not have much time to mess around.

But you have to try what appeals to you -

what sounds do-able to you.

 

 

Many could increase the effectiveness of their antidepressant

by carefully adding vitamins and minerals -

and possibly, with extra, extra caution - certain amino acids.

 

 

I have recently begun to use cell salts to supplement and treat

some persistent underlying problems of cellular absorption.

 

 

No one wants to take a lot of pills,

but neither does the diabetic

want to prick themselves with needles everyday.

Like Mary Tyler Moore says about (her) Diabetes,

"You have to become sort of a chemist"...

For some of us, it is that kind of disorder.

 

 

I just want everyone to learn all the ways

that we can be deficient of

crucial nutrients and brain chemicals.

 

 

I really believe there is a biochemical answer for everyone,

whether drugs, nutrients, cell salts, herbs,

hormones, or a combination -

along with the human support that you need.

 

 

You need to talk with someone about your feelings

and what you are experiencing, even if it's someone you don't know,

someone on a hotline, or free e-mail counseling -

but it might be worth it to pay for a session now and then.

And most insurance plans will give you a few paid sessions

with a live counselor or therapist.

 

 

Try Cognitive Therapy - talking, re-thinking therapy.

I know, that didn't work for me either,

but it really does work for some.

A change of brain chemistry can occur

just from talking, crying, releasing, re-thinking.

 

 

Remember, you are not alone...

Here, someone does believe in you and how you feel.

 

 

This is your life and your illness

And it is your very own duty to save the life you were given and make it meaningful.

Don't let that sound cold because it is not.

You are not alone...

There is no greater love than the love for life hidden inside of us

Until we change our brain chemistry,

we cannot see it, feel it, or feel grateful for it.

 

 

There were bells on a hill
But you never heard them ringing
No, you never heard them at all
Till there was you

There were birds in the sky
But you never saw them winging
No, you never saw them at all
Till there was you

 

Adapted from Till There Was You*