"Getting Treatment" what a horrible sounding
I even hate the very word.
the idea so difficult
fear, pain, shame, pain, anxiety, pain
You will have to tell someone you are
depressed ? - "ask for help?"
You would rather die than die of the
shame they will make you feel.
No one will understand why you don't
- make the effort...
And it is effort -- painful, upsetting,
shameful, excruciating, dying, humiliating,
for what - treatment ?
what does that mean ?
living on drugs, feeling drugged, not in control,
not understanding why you need treatment,
why it doesn't work that well,
why it stops working
subjective, someone else knows more
fearful, loss of power, helpless to
But you just don't see anything helping
so why bother ?
why can't this pain just go away ?
why can't you just die, cease, end -
just disappear - into your sorrow, your
but there is no end to the pain,
no matter which way you think,
think of living, think of dying,
pain each side, pain each way
I understand now that the pain was preventing
yet stopping my death.
Suicide is not "painless" as
the words to the "M*A*S*H" theme
seem to suggest.
Thoughts of suicide can be excruciating
It was only at my worst that the pain stopped me
and made me choose for that moment
Do something to live - or do something to die.
Finding no escape
I was forced to find a treatment or
both equally difficult tasks
I realized it takes just as much or
more energy and pain
to do what it really takes to
as it does to start on a treatment.
Each one of us will have to find some kind of speck
to make some kind of movement toward a cure.
Yes, let's call it that, a cure.
Treatment doesn't sound very encouraging.
I feel cured. Every day. All the time.
Yet I continue my treatment, my cure,
Hope can come from taking an active part
in your treatment.
Feeling hopeless makes us helpless
Passively waiting, languishing, crying, dying
for someone else to save us
can be devastatingly stressful,
disappointing, frustrating and suicidally
Yes, it would be wonderful
if there were some ONE person,
ONE book, ONE doctor,
to go to - who would - who could
take us from crisis to cured.
Yes - I have known a couple of people
who just started taking Paxil
and poof, that was it. Yes - some people
are lucky -
that's it for them, long term relatively
But for many, like me, it's a combination
of many things -
and in my experience, there was just
no ONE doctor
with the time or attention span -
or one book with all the answers.
I had to piece things together for
In the long run, it has given me knowledge and confidence
for the long term continuous treatment I need.
I continue to learn as new information comes out
so that I will be able to adjust my treatment to compensate
for hormonal changes as I get older :)
You are not helpless. You are capable.
You have the intelligence.
You can begin to gradually learn
and take the lead in your own treatment.
The more you know, the better and faster
you can find
treatment combinations that will work
Yes, there are so many choices
that you may be overwhelmed.
Yes, do seek help from people and medical professionals.
Maybe they can help get you started,
but put your faith in yourself,
in the knowledge and in the results.
Try to get as many insured blood tests
as you can
from your medical doctor or psychotherapist
iron, hormones, thyroid, RBC magnesium.
You may not have much time to mess
But you have to try what appeals to
what sounds do-able to you.
Many could increase the effectiveness of their antidepressant
by carefully adding vitamins and minerals -
and possibly, with extra, extra caution - certain amino
I have recently begun to use cell salts
to supplement and treat
some persistent underlying problems
of cellular absorption.
No one wants to take a lot of pills,
but neither does the diabetic
want to prick themselves with needles
Like Mary Tyler Moore says about (her)
"You have to become sort of a
For some of us, it is that kind of
I just want everyone to learn all the ways
that we can be deficient of
crucial nutrients and brain chemicals.
I really believe there is a biochemical
answer for everyone,
whether drugs, nutrients, cell salts,
hormones, or a combination -
along with the human support that you
You need to talk with someone about
and what you are experiencing, even
if it's someone you don't know,
someone on a hotline, or free e-mail
but it might be worth it to pay for
a session now and then.
And most insurance plans will give
you a few paid sessions
with a live counselor or therapist.
Try Cognitive Therapy - talking, re-thinking
I know, that didn't work for me either,
but it really does work for some.
A change of brain chemistry can occur
just from talking, crying, releasing, re-thinking.
Remember, you are not alone...
Here, someone does believe in you and how you feel.
This is your life and your illness
And it is your very own duty to save the life you
were given and make it meaningful.
Don't let that sound cold because it is not.
You are not alone...
There is no greater love than the love for life
hidden inside of us
Until we change our brain chemistry,
see it, feel it, or feel grateful for it.
There were bells on a hill
But you never heard them ringing
No, you never heard them at
Till there was you
There were birds in the sky
But you never saw them winging
No, you never saw them at
Till there was you
Adapted from Till There Was