DepressionFAQ.com

Question #5

 

How Does Depression Manifest Itself ?

Loss of Normalcy Loss of the comfortable, predictable, familiar, secure, self Loss of drive, direction, power, control Loss of energy, joy, humor, love, happiness
Replaced With Pain and Negativity You can't remember what it was ever like to feel normal. You can't remember a time when you weren't like this. You feel worthless and that your life has no meaning.
You can't tell anyone how you feel. You hold it in. You try to act normal. It's painful to be with people. You feel that you don't belong. Everything they say hurts. If you tell someone, you will cry. You will feel foolish, they wouldn't understand. They don't care or understand. You feel they can't help you anyway.
You feel that no one and nothing can help you:

You feel "hopelessness to infinity"
Painful just to exist. Everything hurts. Painful to try to do anything, take a walk, fix dinner, wash the dishes, take a bath. You feel tired. Just standing up you are tired. You feel the pull of Gravity weighing you down. What's the point of living when you just want to die ? Why bother, why force it ?
Who cares anyway?
You wonder what is going to happen to you. If only you could just close your eyes and disappear. If only you could just go to sleep and never wake up. You cry out for help when you are alone. You want to scream, wail, cry out to God or the Universe to help you... or to let you die. Suicidal Thoughts overwhelm you with excruciating pain, urging, compelling you toward death. Death calls to you, wordlessly from within darkness, the blackness, pulling you, drawing you in. You feel like you are dying.

 

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