Helping
suicidal persons is a very precarious matter. |
-
There are so many variables.
-
The personality matters a lot.
-
Some people want support and comfort.
-
Others are angry and in denial and
blame how they feel on people & unchangeable life
circumstances.
|
Number One !!
Learn and Understand |
-
Educate yourself about this illness.
-
Realize that there are millions
out there just like your loved one.
-
They really are suffering with a
potentially fatal biological illness.
-
Their feelings are their symptoms. And their
life really is danger.
-
If people could stop it or feel
better just by will or positive thinking, they would.
-
People do as much as they are emotionally
and energetically capable of doing.
-
Without the right brain chemistry,
a person can be physically incapable of forming a positive
thought.
|
Start Treatment
Immediately |
-
People need to start some kind of treatment as
soon as possible, even if they don't think it will
help.
-
Make sure they are doing SOMEthing
for help.
-
The sooner they start, the sooner
the pain will end.
-
Make sure they are taking what ever
medications and vitamins they
are supposed to be taking.
-
Even if you have to call them or
meet and give it to them.
-
No matter what,
somehow, some way --
something in the brain chemistry has to change for
them to feel better.
-
When depressed, we don't realize
that it is our biochemically negative perception which
makes life seem to bad and allows things people say
to hurt us.
-
With treatment, we can begin to
percieve people and life differently. We can become
less biochemically oversensitive. Our anger can subside.
-
We cannot change circumstances,
but we can change our own brain chemistry and be freed
from the emotional slavery of negative reactions.
|
Tell Them
Ask Them
"Please Don't
Kill Yourself"
Reinforce
Emotional Ties |
-
Tell the person - Don't do it
!
-
TELL them often.
-
ASK them not to do it - PLEASE don't.
-
Tell them you don't want them to
do it and that they are loved and would be badly missed.
-
Leave them a note or a letter if
you are not able to say it out loud at first - but
don't wait ! Do it now !!
-
You must learn to find your feelings
and express them for their sake.
-
They need emotional ties to the
world as a final block, the last barricade to death.
-
A tiny thread can be all that holds
you in the world when you are severely suicidal.
-
Single persons are at much greater
risk. My Distraction page
might help.
|
Help them
do things
Lend them
your "will" |
-
They may need help doing things.
-
In the movie "Awakenings" when
the doctor, played by Robin Williams, threw the ball
at the patient, the catatonic patient would catch it
and throw it back -- and they called it "borrowing
the will" of another human being.
-
It's like that - sometimes just
taking their hand gently and getting them started or
doing things with them
- like taking their medication - hand them their
pill & a glass of juice
- getting food, groceries
- basic minimal house cleaning like dishes
- personal hygiene - wait with them while they
shower
|
Your patience
and perseverence
could save them |
-
Of course the person may not even
allow you to help at first or at all
-
Try not to get your own feelings
hurt.
-
They are not themselves, they are
sick.
-
Even if they don't respond to your
help immediately, your patience, perseverence, and
strength can save them.
-
Try not to push or force - use reason,
then let them alone
-
Let them do it in their own time.
Let them sit and procrastinate for a while then suddenly
to your surprise, they may pick up and swallow the
doggone pill !
There may be other times when you have
to determine whether you need to be more assertive.
|
|
Families can
help in shifts
Keep strong
emotional ties |
-
Helping can be a lot of stress to
the helper.
-
And most people don't have enough
family or friends who have the time and emotional energy
to really be there for them.
-
Families can take turns - make a
schedule together
-
A spouse is the best helper since
they live together but might need others to help out
-
Even a separated or ex-spouse often
still cares and could possibly take a shift
-
It's a lot to ask, but a person
without interested parties and emotional ties to the
world, is at a much greater risk.
|
Care to Ask
Keep in Touch |
-
Just caring enough to ask discreetly, "How
are you feeling?" can help by just showing the
person you have not forgotten their pain.
-
If that is all you can do or if
that is all the person will allow you to do... just
keep in touch by phone for a moment of personal caring
contact
-
Find ways to mention that you want
that person to stay alive
|
Ask Them What
Help They Need
Try to be open
for their sake |
-
Ask them how they would like you
to help them
- Maybe they can suggest something
-
Also, if you sense that you have
said something wrong at some point, try not to let
it go
-
Try to ask gently, I'm sorry, have
I said something to upset you?"
-
Letting their emotions fester can
be very harmful.
-
Tell them the last thing you want
to do is make things worse. Please forgive me.
|
Should they
be left alone ? |
-
You really shouldn't leave a suicidal
person alone but is so often impractical to be with
them all the time.
-
A person can be suicidal for so
long it just isn't possible to be with them all the
time.
-
And they may not allow you to stay
with them at all.
-
I wanted to be alone to plan my
death.
|
Hospitalization:
How Do You Decide ???
Section 1 |
-
Sometimes people need to be hospitalized
to keep them from attempting suicide.
-
How do you decide ? I don't know.
Ask the person, ask their doctor.
-
There was a time when I was considering
going in to save myself from eminent suicide.
-
My family got together (without
me) to discuss this option for me at one point. They
all know me in different ways and offered different
points of view to come up with perhaps a better plan
of action than just one family member on their own.
- Just the fact that they would all get together
like that for me, meant so much when I found
out later.
- I felt love from that - I felt they believed
that I was in serious danger - and that they
really did care whether I lived or died...
- Strengthening my earthly ties
|
Hospitalization:
How Do You Decide ???
Section 2 |
Things to consider
-
Insurance - It is extremely expensive
-
Time off work if the person is
still working
-
The Hospital usually has to be
one where your doctor is on staff
-
Location for family visits
-
Security level - will they keep
the person safe from suicide? There were many times
I could have easily escaped.
-
What treatments will they be given
there ?
- How often with the doctor see them ? Once a
week is not enough !!
-
How long will the person stay?
-
How will they be released when
ready ?
-
Who will decide when they are
ready to leave ?
|
Hospitalization:
How Do You Decide ???
Section 3 |
I was in a mental hospital when I was
19, after my 3rd suicide attempt. After 3 months the doctor
and I decided I would be released just before Christmas.
When the time came, a terrible thing happened.
-
My poor doctor forgot to set
up my release papers because his father had
died. He was so upset that he forgot all about
me and left town!
-
That alone could have sent me
into a suicidal episode.
-
But it didn't. I was better and
ready to get out and go home!!
-
I wasn't suicidal and I wasn't
mad at him, but I was just upset because I
wanted out !!
-
Although I feel it was unwarranted,
the attendants began to descend upon me to put me
in the rubber room !! I had never been put
in there before and fortunately didn't end up in
there.
-
Somehow I was able to call home
and my mother came to rescue me and she got me right
out. Thank Goodness !!
|
