Arm
Yourself With Knowledge |
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You must preserve strength, sanity,
and self. |
You must take
care of yourself or you may not have the emotional energy
to deal with this frightening and frustrating illness.
Just as your loved one is suffering with a biological
illness, so can stress affect your own physical
and emotional health.
- Do what you are emotionally
and energetically capable of doing while reserving
enough for the demands of your normal life.
- You must preserve strength, sanity, and self.
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Their Depression Isn't Your Fault |
If you are wearing yourself to
a frazzle with worry, you may be feeling unnecessarily
responsible and guilty.
- Their illness isn't your fault anymore than
it would be if they had a rare blood disease, cancer
or diabetes.
- Doing too much and worrying
too much won't take away their illness.
- There won't be anything left of you to help anyone
!
- Again, do what you can but
don't wear yourself or worry yourself to a frazzle.
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Take Your Vitamins for Health & Stress |
Take your vitamins - your local national chain
pharmacy should be carrying a good stock of helpful Name
Brand formulas. Some of my frequented online stores
are SwansonVitamins.com, iHerb.com,
and I am starting to like VitaminLife.com.
- Even If you have never taken
a vitamin in your life, now is the time to start.
- They could be your saving grace.
- Find a good multiple and bolster it with something
for stress or other appropriate formula.
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Seek Out Support For Yourself & Family |
Realize that just as there are millions of victims of
depression out there just like your loved one - there are
even more out there just like you !!
- One depressed and suicidal person can have numerous people
who love them and worry about them.
The spouse or main care provider will suffer right along
with the depressed & suicidal person.
- A spouse often feels alone and insecure because the
same person they know and love and depend on may not
be there for them at all during this time.
- They are watching their loved one dying a living
death and may feel powerless to save them.
Any individual who is involved in helping will need
some kind of outside support. Seek out support for yourself
and/or your family.
- Seek comfort and support in other family, friends,
medical doctor, family counselor, therapist, clergy.
- Don't carry it alone.
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Special Note About Sex...
If Your Partner Is The Depressed Person.
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Seeking outside comfort and support
doesn't mean extramarital affairs !!
- Instead, help yourself and your depressed loved one
by keeping your family together and continuing your
intimate relations.
You must agree to continue for both of your sakes. Don't
just do it with each other, do it for each
other to save a life and a marriage.
- Even if you think you don't feel like it.
- Even if it feels like another chore.
- Even if it isn't magical & romantic.
- Go for comfort, closeness, support, or love.
Even if you are just "going through the motions" --
There are unforeseen hormonal & therapeutic benefits.
- It will help you stay together through this difficult
time.
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Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples
and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond
by Anne Sheffield

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Cultivate Physical Closeness |
Cultivate family closeness for now and after the depression.
Touch conveys a lot of unspoken feelings of love, support
and acceptance, and helps keep us bonded to the ones
we love. Start now.
Family members
- Learn to hug and pat - shoulders, arms, hands and
even face for certain relationships.
Parents
- Pat and Hug your Kids and Teenagers often !! How
about every day !! Hug with both arms.
- If your family has not been doing it - start today
- Mothers and Fathers!
- Make an announcement. Make it a requirement - the
kids can't leave the house unless they come and say
goodbye and get their daily hug from both parents!
- Remember - The Hug is coming FROM YOU, the parent(s)
!
- Hug with both arms, look into their eyes, pat their
face, or kiss their cheek, say goodbye and smile!
- Do say "I Love You" when appropriate but
don't say it so often that it becomes meaningless.
For Spouse or Significant Other
- Hug a lot, touch a lot, touch shoulders, arms, hands
and face
- Always hug and kiss goodbye - Make it a required
minute ritual - even if you are late. Never leave the
house without it, even if you will be back soon. Look
into their eyes, pat their face, or kiss their cheek,
say goodbye and smile!
- Show your affection & supportive feelings often
with a warm touch or pat, a kiss on the cheek
- When watching TV, sit closely together or at least
touch in some way.
- Do say "I love you" but not so often and
so casually as to desensitize yourselves. Say it when
you feel it and when you think they need to hear it.
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Families & Friends Should Make
A Circle of Support for Each Other |
If you are a group of family or friends, you can call
and talk to each other often to compare notes and to vent
your feelings of frustration and worry.
You may all want to go as a group:
- To see the doctor who is treating your loved one
- Or seek outside counseling individually or as group
once or twice
- To get advice on how to help and reassurance that
you are doing the best you can
- If you're alone in helping, you may need counseling
even more so.
Family Support Resources:
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It's Not Your
Fault If They Die |
And Finally - this may seem cold
- but it is the truth.
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In the final analysis, people still do commit suicide.
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You just can't let it be your fault.
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You can have an argument with a healthy person
and they are not going to commit suicide.
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